to Jesus, my fulfillment:

Darling, i haven't had a good talk with You in a while -- may we speak passionately today, and may i not forget. may You resolve the issues in my life and may i resist my enemies.

You love me even when i have pity parties and even when i am negative and sarcastic. God, i need more energy, or maybe i need to learn how to use my energy efficiently. but i know that You don't care much for that word efficient -- i'm so glad that You don't measure me by how efficient i am. actually, i'm not sure how You measure me, but i know it's not in any way how man would measure me.

i wish i were better instead of weak -- God, i don't see how Your strength is made perfect in weakness -- it sure doesn't seem to be coming through for me these days. sorry i'm being negative and ungrateful. i guess i just expect something miraculous instead of the mundane, but You use the mundane so much that it must be miraculous in Your eyes.

anyway, i have resolved to only look for my fulfillment in You -- this will be a difficult resolution to stick to, but i think that if You help me, it can be done. o, God, i am filled with so many longings -- longings for myself to be better. help me to stop trying to better myself but instead find the fulfillment to my longings in You. i don't even know if that is possible, but i know You can do the impossible.

i am being called lazy. please help this attack to stop. i don't think i am lazy. help me to not prove them wrong just for the sake of proving them wrong. because there are many things wrong with me, i don't want to think one more thing is wrong that really isn't. i am tired of being tired.

God, i don't know what to do to stop being tired -- to stop trying to keep going while the brakes are engaged -- but You do. set me free of this. You haven't given me a spirit of insecurity. or of fatigue.

i still want to talk, God.